Bonstiklik is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, all-knowing newt.

Bonstiklik created a charm quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonstiklik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bonstiklik, she will turn you into a hamster.

Bonstiklik's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Bonstiklik's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear violet shorts.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Do not commit murder.