Yartjonfun Hampanaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, conceited snail.

Yartjonfun Hampanaf created parasitic wasps eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartjonfun Hampanaf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yartjonfun Hampanaf, he will turn you into a dog.

Yartjonfun Hampanaf's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yartjonfun Hampanaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about tomatoes.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yartjonfun Hampanaf.

5. Always look after injured shrews.