Flabvanflagarp is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, uncaring troll.

Flabvanflagarp created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flabvanflagarp, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flabvanflagarp, it will destroy your home solar system.

Flabvanflagarp's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Flabvanflagarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed strawberries to hamsters while wearing white shoes.

2. Do not dye your hair indigo.

3. Flabvanflagarp loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

4. Never go into turquoise rooms.

5. You must never eat peas.