Vonknarvad is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, slow sheep.

Vonknarvad created an electron eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vonknarvad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonknarvad, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vonknarvad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vonknarvad's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention geese.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not listen to music.