Dagvonxin is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, awesome aardvark.

Dagvonxin created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dagvonxin, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Dagvonxin, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dagvonxin's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Dagvonxin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Never feed bananas to horses while wearing blue skirts.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Do not wear black clothing.

5. Never go into green rooms.