Haksandmetabteen is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, blissful bat.

Haksandmetabteen created tapeworms six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haksandmetabteen, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Haksandmetabteen, she will torture you forever.

Haksandmetabteen's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Haksandmetabteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Put Haksandmetabteen first in all things.

3. Never wear green shoes.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.