Gubtonkhan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, egotistical lizard.

Gubtonkhan created matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gubtonkhan, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gubtonkhan, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Gubtonkhan's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Gubtonkhan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate aardvarks.

3. You must never eat beans.

4. Do not kill dogs.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gubtonkhan.