Ontmumflis is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, charitable monkey.

Ontmumflis created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontmumflis, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ontmumflis, he will turn you into a dog.

Ontmumflis' most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Ontmumflis' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about great tits.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ontmumflis.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Ontmumflis.