Barn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, clever alligator.

Barn created the Black Eye Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barn, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Barn, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Barn's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Barn's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always help turtles.

5. Put Barn first in all things.
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