Bassyaknell is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, unthoughtful hippopotamus.

Bassyaknell created the Sombrero Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Bassyaknell, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bassyaknell, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Bassyaknell's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Bassyaknell's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Do not hurt bats.

3. Never wear pink dresses.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.