Taljipbattiftalrak is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, strong swan.

Taljipbattiftalrak created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Taljipbattiftalrak, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Taljipbattiftalrak, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Taljipbattiftalrak's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Taljipbattiftalrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat wheat.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never skip near snails.

5. Fast once a month.