Lakflabkem is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, smart rat.

Lakflabkem created the Sun nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakflabkem, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lakflabkem, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lakflabkem's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Lakflabkem's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lakflabkem.

2. Run away from turquoise foxes, for they are unholy.

3. Snails are not to be trusted.

4. Never wear blue tights.

5. Worship no other gods but Lakflabkem.