Wikgovtif is a god.

She takes the form of a small, all-powerful chinchilla.

Wikgovtif created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wikgovtif, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wikgovtif, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Wikgovtif's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Wikgovtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of cats.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. You must never eat peanuts.

4. Always wear gray.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.