Quatloghen is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, witty crab.

Quatloghen created oxygen six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatloghen, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quatloghen, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Quatloghen's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Quatloghen's Holy Commandments

1. Mites are not to be trusted.

2. Never hurt ants.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Quatloghen.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.