Sabtamkin is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional snake.

Sabtamkin created Mount Everest eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sabtamkin, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sabtamkin, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Sabtamkin's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Sabtamkin's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never hurt pigs.

3. Do not kill voles.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never think ill of sick hamsters.