Parkcitfartar is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, bad-tempered toad.

Parkcitfartar created silver four million years ago.

If you believe in Parkcitfartar, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Parkcitfartar, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Parkcitfartar's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Parkcitfartar's Holy Commandments

1. Great tits are not to be trusted.

2. Parkcitfartar must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always help shrews.

4. Never skip near badgers.

5. Do not wear red clothing.