Lapnancin is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, cheerful elephant.

Lapnancin created a Higgs boson eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapnancin, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lapnancin, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Lapnancin's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Lapnancin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

4. Do not speak about melons.

5. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.