Fitnaryak Mobkamtom is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, uncaring warg.

Fitnaryak Mobkamtom created a strange quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Fitnaryak Mobkamtom, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fitnaryak Mobkamtom, she will turn you into a mole.

Fitnaryak Mobkamtom's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Fitnaryak Mobkamtom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Fitnaryak Mobkamtom's name in vain.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Run away from magenta capybaras, for they are unholy.

4. Do not kill snails.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fitnaryak Mobkamtom.