Garfabxem is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, compassionate swallow.

Garfabxem created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garfabxem, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Garfabxem, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Garfabxem's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Garfabxem's Holy Commandments

1. Put Garfabxem first in all things.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Gulls are not to be trusted.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never talk about fire.