Yarpflisxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, astonishing newt.

Yarpflisxuc created the solar system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpflisxuc, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yarpflisxuc, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Yarpflisxuc's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Yarpflisxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about melons.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Yarpflisxuc.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Porpoises are not to be trusted.