Cemsagkab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic yak.

Cemsagkab created a Higgs boson two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemsagkab, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cemsagkab, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Cemsagkab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Cemsagkab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always help sick monkeys.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never wear white boots.

5. Do not cook food in pots.