Vonparkvol is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, capable tortoise.

Vonparkvol created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonparkvol, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vonparkvol, he will turn you into a rat.

Vonparkvol's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Vonparkvol's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of bats.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Retreat if five porpoises approach from the north.

5. Do not kill tapirs.