Taphogmot is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, moody gorilla.

Taphogmot created vertebrates nine million years ago.

If you believe in Taphogmot, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Taphogmot, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Taphogmot's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Taphogmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of whales.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.