Vanjenhig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, quiet turtle.

Vanjenhig created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanjenhig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vanjenhig, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Vanjenhig's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Vanjenhig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Do not hurt hamsters.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Pray towards the north.