Vangessbiglanvin Fosstonkciss is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witty squirrel.

Vangessbiglanvin Fosstonkciss created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vangessbiglanvin Fosstonkciss, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vangessbiglanvin Fosstonkciss, she will be mildly annoyed.

Vangessbiglanvin Fosstonkciss' most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vangessbiglanvin Fosstonkciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

4. You must pray to Vangessbiglanvin Fosstonkciss three times a day.

5. Never write about planets.