Tikminnut Jabvonkpak Cargunxuck is a god.

It takes the form of a large, stupid rhinoceros.

Tikminnut Jabvonkpak Cargunxuck created water three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikminnut Jabvonkpak Cargunxuck, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tikminnut Jabvonkpak Cargunxuck, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tikminnut Jabvonkpak Cargunxuck's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tikminnut Jabvonkpak Cargunxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not eat pineapples.

3. Never talk about monkeys.

4. Always help sick mice.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.