Vonkhudcit Teenwodlarg is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, smart clam.

Vonkhudcit Teenwodlarg created gold three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkhudcit Teenwodlarg, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vonkhudcit Teenwodlarg, he will refuse to believe in you.

Vonkhudcit Teenwodlarg's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Vonkhudcit Teenwodlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Vonkhudcit Teenwodlarg loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Never paint your hands red.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.