Podtommipjamfeb is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, irritating gorilla.

Podtommipjamfeb created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Podtommipjamfeb, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Podtommipjamfeb, it will send minions to preach to you.

Podtommipjamfeb's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Podtommipjamfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention swans.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always help turtles in need.