Podpang Mappoptontonk is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, smart mink.

Podpang Mappoptontonk created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Podpang Mappoptontonk, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Podpang Mappoptontonk, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Podpang Mappoptontonk's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Podpang Mappoptontonk's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Podpang Mappoptontonk.

2. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Hide from red whales for they are unholy.