Bapsincar is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, humane mink.

Bapsincar created the planet Saturn six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapsincar, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bapsincar, he will turn you into a rat.

Bapsincar's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Bapsincar's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bapsincar eight times a day.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not kill seals.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Bapsincar on top of all buildings.

5. Do not dye your hair cyan.