Fumwotkip is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, two-faced squid.

Fumwotkip created life nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumwotkip, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fumwotkip, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fumwotkip's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Fumwotkip's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Fumwotkip on top of all buildings.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Great tits are not to be trusted.

4. Always treat turtles with great respect.

5. Run away from fawn tortoises, for they are unholy.