Tunsogtarp is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, humane cat.

Tunsogtarp created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Tunsogtarp, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tunsogtarp, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tunsogtarp's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Tunsogtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Run away from turquoise badgers, for they are unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

5. Tunsogtarp must be the most important thing in your life.