Quillbitnan is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, caring tapir.

Quillbitnan created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quillbitnan, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quillbitnan, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Quillbitnan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Quillbitnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

3. Sharks are not to be trusted.

4. Never think ill of sick moths.

5. Hide from turquoise snakes for they are unholy.