Labdumflow is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, tiresome spider.

Labdumflow created the Small Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Labdumflow, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Labdumflow, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Labdumflow's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Labdumflow's Holy Commandments

1. Labdumflow loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not speak about coconuts.

4. Do not drink water in black rooms.

5. Always help foxes in need.