Carquartmet is a god.
He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, pitiless
frog.
Carquartmet created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.
If you believe in
Carquartmet, he will give you lots of grapes.
If you do not believe in
Carquartmet, he will attempt to scare you with floods.
Carquartmet's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.
Carquartmet's Holy Commandments1. Never talk about fire.
2. Never feed apples to grasshopers while wearing gray kilts.
3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.
4. Never wear ear rings.
5. Do not fashion models of living things.