Lunbatduss Tikfetlig is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, fussy crab.

Lunbatduss Tikfetlig created oxygen five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lunbatduss Tikfetlig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lunbatduss Tikfetlig, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lunbatduss Tikfetlig's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Lunbatduss Tikfetlig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

5. Never wear magenta ear rings.