Quatpanghan is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish goblin.

Quatpanghan created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatpanghan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quatpanghan, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Quatpanghan's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Quatpanghan's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not wear iron on your body.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.