Cimtoffen is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, intelligent monkey.

Cimtoffen created silver seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cimtoffen, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Cimtoffen, she will refuse to believe in you.

Cimtoffen's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Cimtoffen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never wear red rings.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.