Ortgilcat is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, boastful crocodile.

Ortgilcat created the planet Jupiter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortgilcat, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ortgilcat, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Ortgilcat's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Ortgilcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always help monkeys.

2. Erect four silver sculptures of Ortgilcat on top of important buildings.

3. Never feed cucumbers to nematodes while wearing turquoise jumpers.

4. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.