Figstigrap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, emotional cow.

Figstigrap created the Sun nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Figstigrap, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Figstigrap, he will turn you into a dog.

Figstigrap's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Figstigrap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Feed all hungry snakes.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.