Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, humane warg.

Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin.

2. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

3. Worship no other gods but Ganjanbenkonquart Gomtonkmaplin.

4. Do not speak about parsnips.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.