Konflagjab is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, self-assured shark.

Konflagjab created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Konflagjab, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Konflagjab, she will turn you into a hamster.

Konflagjab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Konflagjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always treat otters with great respect.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Hide from violet nematodes for they are unholy.