Tofzengan is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, ruthless tortoise.

Tofzengan created Mount Everest four years ago.

If you believe in Tofzengan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tofzengan, he will cry a lot.

Tofzengan's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Tofzengan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always obey Tofzengan's priests.

4. Never eat grapes.

5. Worship no other gods but Tofzengan.