Farnpigfom is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, idiotic seal.

Farnpigfom created a quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Farnpigfom, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Farnpigfom, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Farnpigfom's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Farnpigfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never feed oranges to geese while wearing green shoes.

5. Always help snakes.