Cadzanquill is a god.

He takes the form of a large, charitable crab.

Cadzanquill created bats four million years ago.

If you believe in Cadzanquill, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cadzanquill, he will turn you into a mole.

Cadzanquill's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Cadzanquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Always help manatees in need.