Artflaphog Kamquaffad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, two-faced monkey.

Artflaphog Kamquaffad created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Artflaphog Kamquaffad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Artflaphog Kamquaffad, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Artflaphog Kamquaffad's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Artflaphog Kamquaffad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always treat porpoises with great respect.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Hide from turquoise tapirs for they are unholy.