Vagvegmum is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, kind mink.

Vagvegmum created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagvegmum, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vagvegmum, it will throw large rocks at you.

Vagvegmum's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Vagvegmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Do not wear copper on your body.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never wear tights.