Tipweestig is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, blissful monkey.

Tipweestig created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tipweestig, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tipweestig, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tipweestig's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tipweestig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear nickel on your body.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Always look after injured snakes.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always treat badgers with great respect.