Lagzakmingov is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, competent snake.

Lagzakmingov created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagzakmingov, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lagzakmingov, she will laugh at you.

Lagzakmingov's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Lagzakmingov's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Run away if three otters approach from the north.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.