Metcunapp is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unjust narwhal.

Metcunapp created a strange quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metcunapp, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Metcunapp, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Metcunapp's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Metcunapp's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick voles.

2. Run away if three eagles approach from the south.

3. Do not hurt frogs.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.